DATING: The Lure

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” Proverbs 14:12

One of the first things a fishermen does is pick out the bait to be used for the fish. A good fishermen picks a bait that will attract the fish he wants to catch. The bait is called the lure. The lure is placed on a hook. Since the fish won’t naturally bite a hook, the fisherman baits the hook. The lure is what draws the eyes of the fish. The lure draws the appetite of the fish. And the fish can become so enamored with the lure, that the fish will forget everything else in pursuit of the lure.

In the same way, we all put out a lure to attract the opposite sex. For guys, the bait we choose to present is often found as a part of a long list. (Feel free to add on to this list.)

The Bait

The friends we choose

What we wear

The cologne we use

Our topics of conversation

The vibe we put off

The people we play off of

Our accomplishments

We often find ourselves friends not only with people who share the same interests, but people who we see ourselves as equals. How else would the whole jock, nerd, band geek, choir boy, and party animal get started anyway? We place ourselves into the crowd we think we fit with the best, or the crowd we want to fit in with the most.

Lures you don’t want to go after

If he does not have his own opinions on things. He always goes along with what everyone else says. Some people call this being really chill. A more accurate term is apathetic.

If he only wants to hang out with you alone. Whether it is at his house, apartment or at What A Burger, he wants it to be just you two. Why? Anyone can sound deep one-on-one. The more time you spend one-on-one going deep, the more time he can connect to you emotionally. If you want to see if he is deep, watch his character in a crowd of people. Watch him in a pick up basketball game. At church. Etc.

If he is the guy “who has a really good heart and I know that all he needs is someone to love him. Reallly, there’s soooooo much potential there.” Here’s a tip: When he starts living out his potential, then date him. If he is depressed all the time, don’t date him. I know you have a good heart, but he is going to suck all the emotional energy you have. Eventually, you’ll be depressed too. Besides that, Jesus is the Savior so you don’t have to be. Also if he really is a good guy, and “he just struggles with getting drunk or getting high sometimes”…then when he decides he doesn’t want to dabble in sin, go ahead and date him. Just don’t date him yet. Or maybe he’s moody, and has sudden outbursts of anger. Here’s a little advice: the outbursts of anger aren’t getting better. It will become more intense, and it will hurt a lot more when you’ve given him your heart and maybe more along the way. Guard your heart.

If he is a Spiritual Leader but not a Whole-Hearted Follower of Jesus, then don’t give him the time of day. I don’t care if a guy can talk a good game. Just because he sounds spiritual doesn’t mean the Holy Spirit is working in his life. The Holy Spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I’ve seen plenty of guys play the God-card with girls. I’ve been that guy who was a spiritual leader in front of people and even in conversation, but my heart was divided. Ask yourself the questions, “Is he serving? Is he honest?” Does he say yes or no or does he circle around answers and make your head spin.

If he does not know where he is coming from, and does not know where he is going…don’t waste your time. He may be cool, exciting and fun…but you don’t want to be with a guy who has no direction in his life.

If he is the funny guy, but his humor often comes at the expense of others feelings. That kind of critical person won’t be funny forever. Eventually, you’ll become the joke and when that happens, he won’t be funny. He’ll just be a jerk.

If he runs the conversation into 4 AM on your first time hanging out at IHOP, check out the warning lights. You can’t sustain that pace of emotional intimacy. It won’t be long before emotional intimacy drifts into physical intimacy. Often when this happens, that guy is a bit of a gusher. His mouth just may overrun his commitment.

If he is disrespectful to girls in how he talks about them, to them, or in the way he treats them, don’t date him. I’ve been that guy before. I’m really thankful some girls never gave me the time of day. They knew they deserved better than who I was at that time.

A Good Lure

If he knows where he is coming from, where he is going.

If he has his own relationship with God. (Often, couples plan on having things centered around God. However, they often forget their personal relationships with God. Rather than the relationship being centered around God, they try and have God center himself around them.)

If he is secure in himself, and isn’t clingy.

If he is honest with you and his friends.

If protecting your purity is of the highest importance to him.

If he clearly states his intentions towards you after you have gotten to know each other.

If he walks the walk that he talks. (If it is all about how someday he’ll get it together, don’t hold your breath waiting for someday.)

Remember, what is being presented is a lure that is attached to a hook. If you go for the wrong lure, you may be able to get off the hook, but not before some damage is done. And although many lures have a lot of allure, the often forgotten virtues of integrity, uprightness, honesty, and love are of the utmost importance. When a guy is presenting himself, he isn’t just showing himself to the world. He is wanting to reel someone in.

Now, the question you have to ask yourself is, “What would wisdom say?”

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2 comments

  1. Matt · August 25, 2010

    Great post Dave. I think that one of the biggest problems with dating is that people don’t really think about it at all, they just dive right in. So good job on encouraging people to look before they leap and to be proactive rather than reactive in seeking a partner that will honor God.

  2. Tricia · August 26, 2010

    So, I think this sums up some of the dating I’ve done and I surely am thankful for the protection that God has given me and the wise head he put on my shoulders in this regard. Maybe wary is better to use than wise. I’m proud of you for putting this out there and sure think that this is something that needs to be shouted from rooftops!

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