Now, we’ve talked about the lure. We’ve talked about the hook. But the greatest danger of the hook and the lure is that they are connected to a line and a reel. Most fish never see the line. Thicker, sturdier lines are more visible to the fish (wikipedia). What about the lines no one ever see? You know, the hidden line attached to the surprise hook attached to the sexy lure.
Here is the thing. You will never have perfect vision to see the line. Some lines are visible. Some lines are invisible. But let’s talk about a few lines you can see.
Line 1. Jekyll and Hyde. He is always nice to everyone in public, but is an ogre behind closed doors. A great way to spot this line is run a roommate check early. If you can hold back from rushing into an immediate relationship with him, then as you become friends with him, you can also become friends with his roommate. Find out if you have a Jekyll and Hyde situation on your hands. Find out before you’re reeled in.
Line 2. Addiction. Hopefully, this line will come out after you’ve known each other for a while. And by a while, I mean at least a couple weeks. Go slow with the dates and all. This is a marathon you’re trying to run, not a sprint. So as you are going slow, one afternoon or early evening (I recommend this and not at IHOP or on the couch at 4 in the morning), share your history with each other. This is a time in being fair to each other to share what you’ve both been through. Now, it is 2010 so I’m gonna say it is about 99.9 % the dude has looked at porn at some point. There’s also a high chance he still struggles with this.
Now, girls, here is what is up. You may be hurt by this. You may be disgusted by this. You may be shocked by this, but if he has the guts to tell you all this, don’t stand over him saying, “I can’t believe you would. That you did. That you do. That is unbelievable, dehumanizing, and sick.” He knows it is sick. That’s why he is sharing it. Encourage him, and hook him up with some accountability software like XXXChurch.com. If you berate him, if you throw his history in his face, you will create a bigger wound in him.
If he is ok with having an addiction to porn, alcohol, or drugs…drop him now. Break the line. It may hurt a lot, but you can heal from it now. It won’t get better if he doesn’t care.
Line 3. If he continues to lie. This has been mentioned before, but some guys just give you the run around. You don’t need him or his continual broken promises or his momentary compliments to be complete. Only Christ can complete you. Or as Steven Furtick says, “Two broken people don’t equal one whole person.”
I’m sure there are more lines, but these are the big three I can think of for now.
Now, remember the line is attached to the reel.
If he reels you in super quickly, and is flattering, and always has to be with you, around you, does not have his own life with you, then although you may love the attention, you probably will get bored after a while. John Eldredge gives a tip to this in Wild at Heart. A woman wants to be on an adventure, not to be the adventure.
If he reels you in so slowly that you never know his intentions, and he compliments you just enough to keep you around, but never enough to take you anywhere into his future, this reel will keep you on the line forever…and then either pull you forward all at once (can you say WHIPLASH?) or he will let you off the hook.
Hey, I know this is a lot to digest. You may say I’m over the top. I’m crazy. I don’t get it. The thing is, I do get it. I’ve been or done quite a few of these before. You don’t have to take my advice on this. I’d suggest you consider it though.