Writing You About Me Today

December 28, 2010 — Leave a comment

**My favorite Christmas music is done by Vince G. It is the Charlie Brown Christmas album. This music makes me feel happy. I think Vince is brilliant. I used to listen to jazz and write a lot. Vince was an influence in that time. I think I’ll write more in the future. I kind of miss it. It is like escaping this world. Or maybe it is going deeper into this world. Either way, I like it.

**Autumn has been my favorite season for many years. If I was completely honest, I might say that I like the thought of it more than I like the entire season. I do have a feeling that Autumn will continue to be my favorite season. I just wish it lasted a little longer.

**For some weird reason, I really like Winter this year. I know, right? Since when did I like Winter? I used to hate it. This year, I’m enjoying. Then again there are two stages of Winter. I’ve generally referred to them in two parts. Part 1: Christmas. Part 2: The Darkness. I know that sounds kind of intense. That is probably part of the reason I really love Spring. To me, spring signifies life. Winter signifies death. Yet, sometimes, the greatest growth happens in Winter. Wait, I take that back. The greatest preparation for growth often happens in the Winter. This is when roots grow deepest. Also, it is a painful process to let all the things fall away that need to, and even to let yourself be pruned by the Holy Spirit. What do you need the Holy Spirit to prune away in your life? (See that? I just took one out of the Apostle Paul’s style of writing. We were talking about seasons and then it became spiritual. Paul did that sometimes. Ephesians 5 is a great case. Beautiful writing. Very confusing at the end of it. What a mystery. Read it.)

** I think the idea of grace actually frightens me. Or maybe people in general. Because we always want to be able to pay people back or give back or stand on our own two feet. The idea that I can’t really make it up to God, that even if my life is for His glory is only because of His grace really makes it tough to accept grace. Because then I can’t get proud about anything. And I can’t start thinking that I’m something when I’m nothing. Perhaps the most frightening thing about grace is that I can’t pay it back and I can’t make it up to God. Accepting that is really tough. Because I’d like to make it up to Him. But He is really just the most pleased with me when I am full of gratitude, and then pass on His grace to others. I think it probably bothers God a bit when I act like I have paid off my debt of sin by my church attendance or good works or the company I keep. I think He prefers an incredible amount of gratitude.

**Last year, I picked up John Mayer’s album, Battle Studies. My buddy Drew and I had a listening party to this album while eating Taco Bell late at night. (This broke two of my rules…don’t eat Taco Bell after 8 pm. Never eat it after midnight.) Drew told me a few months later that John said he wrote the entire album about the time between 10 pm and 2 am. I think the album makes a lot of sense. It also feels like a very vulnerable album to me. Kind of like…this is who I am, and I’m going to invite you into this world of my thoughts or my life. I know some people don’t like the album, but there’s almost the ring of Romans 7 to me…the things I want to do I don’t do and the things I don’t want to do I end up doing. I think we probably all act a little more pious than we are. To me, it is refreshing to hear an album that is honest to that degree. I listened to Heartbreak Warfare, All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye, Who Says, War of My Life, and Do You Know Me a lot. I wish John would have done Do You Know Me the way he did it at the BOK center a few months ago. That was terrific.

**I saw Wicked again this year. Just as good. Kind of makes you emotional, the music does.

**The Chronicles of Narnia have the longest and saddest goodbyes in the movies. I really like the way The Voyage of the Dawn Treader ends. The mouse, Reepicheep has a great conversation with Aslan at the end.

**I’ve heard it said that when someone exits your life, they leave a space where they were. I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes, that space is a wound that needs to be healed. Sometimes, that space is a good thing. Sometimes, that space is filled with business or busyness. Sometimes, that space is filled with bad habits. Sometimes, that spaces is filled with God. Sometimes, we ask something else to try and do a “better job” than we think God has been doing in that space. We wouldn’t put those words on it. We might call it a struggle. Maybe. Or maybe, we’re just looking for a lover less wild than Jesus, because that kind of love terrifies us as much as it beckons us. That love reminds us He knows everything. And when we think of everything, we end up looking inside of ourselves to see everything. That love draws us to knowing God, and knowing ourselves more in this process so that we may know His love more. And because His love is so strong, jealous, and terrifying, we often would prefer to be amused by a lover less wild than the King of Kings. And we generally are amused, but we are rarely satisfied. (That turned into a tangent.)

**Lately, I’ve been noticing that there is a lot more to pray about than I noticed before. I’m trying to pray more. It is kind of a strange thing though, isn’t it? You’re talking to someone you can’t see, and someone who doesn’t talk back, at least hasn’t gone vocal with me yet. If God would like to do that though, I’m down.

**One of my goals this year is to be a better friend to my friends.

** One of the things that struck me as fascinating about INCEPTION is the way that dreams interact with reality. In the movie, dreams feel exactly the same as reality. I find that sometimes, my dreams feel the same as reality. Sometimes, the emotional colors of my dreams are so vivid that they interfere with my mind the following day. I have one friend who has such intense dreams that sometimes, I think he may have to deal with the dream for a few days if not a week. Sometimes a dream may chase me for months. Even a year. Maybe I’m just chasing those dreams.

**I really enjoy eating lunch. I’m going to go do that now. Have a good day.

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