If You’re Single…

We’ve been doing a dating series at 20 Park over the past three weeks. We’ve got two more weeks left in the series. If you haven’t been over to check it out on a Wednesday night, get there. Today, I wanted to write a little blog to all the single ladies, and all the single fellas. From one single to another, I’m going to share a couple of things that are worth doing right now while you’re single.

1. Pursue your dreams. I’ve talked to a lot of people who are so consumed with finding the one that they shift the transmission of their future into neutral. They sit and talk and wait and hope someone comes along that will be that special someone for them. They miss out on a lot of life in the process of waiting. So go ahead and pursue your dreams. Doing this will narrow the list of people who will be a good fit for you, but that is a good thing. Who wants to take anyone who just happens to come along anyway? Pursuing what you want will help you see the kind of person who fits alongside of you. From my experience, people who don’t pursue what they want, but instead just wait for that special someone to come along so they can be open to anyone usually end up in passionless, frustrated relationships. And by the way, the person who does not pursue what they want is often viewed as apathetic by the opposite sex.

2. Develop yourself holistically. You may be the smartest person on the planet, while having a very low emotional IQ. So you keep people away, and you create intellectual constructs and barriers that a person has to reach in order for them to be a possibility. You will have a life of intellectual conversations, but you may not connect very well on a heart level. In the same manner, you may be the social butterfly, but you are not developing yourself to engage with someone on an intellectual level. Suppose you’re pretty good emotionally and intellectually, but you’re spiritual development goes stagnant. Sometimes we think, “If I was just with them, then I know we would have a great godly relationship. We both desire to be with a godly person.” How about this one? Follow Christ with everything you have right now. Don’t wait for the dating relationship to get to the God relationship.  Finally, get in the gym. Or go walking. Do something active. I avoided this for a long time, but you don’t want to miss out on this. Why? Because you’ll feel better, you’ll feel better about how you look, and you’ll be more confident. I don’t know how to prove this, I just know that I’ve seen it.

3. Have some fun. I know, if you met that special someone then your life would become really fun. “Ah, finally, love. Now, I’m happy.” Is that how you think of it? If so, I’ll give you this prediction. You’re going to attract a person who doesn’t have much fun on their own, but they do have fun with you. And you will have lots of fun together in the relationship…early on. Eventually though, you’ll both realize that you’re not having very much fun. Why? Because you got bored with each other because you expected the other person would make you happy. Since that didn’t work, the problem must be them, right? Wrong. The problem is in the one staring back at you in the mirror. So go start having some fun. Get a longboard. Or a bike. Or go take yoga, or a hip hop dancing class. Create little adventures like camping, cliff jumping, or hunting. Do something you like to do, and do lots of it. People who are having fun are more attractive to the opposite sex who stares at them with those curious, sweet eyes that ask the question, “Will you make me happy?” Well, they are curious and sweet eyes at the beginning. At the end of the relationship, those same eyes can be haunting and angry to the same person. Because they can’t make you happy. You can make you happy though! Go have some clean, wholesome fun!

4. Go serve someone. Volunteer at the nursing home. Get some friends and feed some outdoorsmen (homeless folk). Be a mentor. Write some people notes letting them know how much you appreciate them. Go bake cookies with a widow and take them to a widower (hook them up) or take them to some people who could use some love.

5. Bring in the good, kick out the bad. As I’m writing this, I’ve got From the Inside Out by Hillsong United playing. You know what I’m saying? Get that good positive stuff into your mind, and get the bad stuff out. You become what you behold. Something that my CrossFit trainer says is, “What you put in is what you get out.” In the same way, what you put into your mind is what will come out of your mind. Get as much of the good in as possible. Check out some sermons from guys like Mitch Wilburn, Steven Furtick, Craig Groeschel, Andy Stanley, and Louie Giglio. Take care of your mind and your heart. You can start believing some really crummy things about yourself by inviting the wrong things in on a regular basis. As I heard Furtick say, “Right voices equal right choices.” Bring in the good, kick out the bad.

 

To sum all of this up, have some fun. If you’re single, you have no one tying you down so go ahead and go after the life you really want to live. Believe the best for your future. Take life on with great passion, vision, and hope. If you’re single, what will you do today to develop yourself for a great future? What will you do today to take full advantage of today? Go do it.

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3 thoughts on “If You’re Single…

  1. Good words Dave. I think serving is a skill we need to develop in our singleness because it will be that much harder to make time for it when we have a family. If we don’t create the practice now, it will be even harder to kick in when we get married. It also shifts the focus from our loneliness and pain to other peoples pain.

  2. You did a nice job of summarizing a difficult issue. I think you are spot on. I believe that God wants us to embrace every stage of our lives and thrive in that stage. Thanks for the wise words.
    MATT

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