Have you ever heard the words, “What are we fighting for?” This sometimes comes up when you’re in the middle of an argument with a family member about something important like the color of a picture frame on the living room wall, or why you have a lot of apples, but there aren’t any oranges. These arguments that aren’t really about the picture frame on the wall, or the fruit on the cabinet. The arguments that are about the time two days ago that your friend said something that pinged you wrong, which pinged a little more than usual because you felt like they acted disrespectfully towards you the week before. Of course, you never said anything about it because you figured, “What’s the big deal?” And now you’re finding out what the big deal is, and the big deal is that you didn’t address the small thing before it became a big deal. So you’re fighting over the silliest thing, but it isn’t about the silliest thing. It’s about something a bit deeper below the surface. And then,
“What are we fighting for?” When I look back at those times, I just shake my head. How many times have I been so stuck on something that happened in the past that I decided to drag it right into the present? And the person I am talking to in the present doesn’t even remember the past, nor do they know why I am being terse with them. That isn’t really fair. Besides that, it’s self-defeating for me. I’m holding a grudge instead of moving forward in a healthy way in a relationship.
There is another question though. “Who are you fighting for?” I believe that it is actually quite natural for us to fight for other people. A lot of times, you have other people’s best interest in mind, and you will go to bat and fight for them like crazy. What about you though? When is the last time you fought for you? I have to ask you this because if you don’t take care of yourself, how will you take care of anyone else? I am not saying to solely focus on yourself, I am actually just asking, “When is the last time you purposefully took care of you? How hard are you fighting for yourself?” Over the long haul, you can’t give to others what is not in you. That’s why Jesus says to love your neighbor as you love yourself. If you don’t love you, then how will you love them the way they deserve to be loved. As I was thinking about this today, there are two things that have detered me from fighting for myself. Sometimes, they still do.
1. I don’t feel like I’m worth it. (This isn’t a pity party I’m throwing, just an honest moment. Don’t worry, you don’t have to build me up on this one.) When I don’t feel like I’m worth it, I won’t fight hard for myself. I’ll fight hard for everybody else, but honestly, I can fight for you out of a selfish place in my heart. When you succeed, I actually can take something from that as opposed to actually owning my own success. This is how people can start from a good place in their heart in helping others, but they don’t know when to stop because they don’t have boundaries, nor sometimes a sense of self-worth. So I derive all of my worth from helping you, because I don’t actually feel like I can do anything for me. I’m just not worth it.
2. I’m too proud to fight for me. Sometimes, I just don’t want to fight for me because fighting for me actually means that we’re going to have to get into my heart. If we go down into my heart, I don’t get to control. Instead, I have to share myself with you. So, I fight against fighting for me because I’m too proud to look inside. Really though, that pride for me is most likely fear cloaked in arrogance.
3. It is hard to fight for me. It is actually hard to fight for me, because fighting for me means that I will make some hard stands, and then have to stay in those hard stands. “Stay in it, stay in it.” It is one thing to say something. It is another thing to live it. I believe that one of the reasons I have a hard time fighting for me is that I don’t want to do what is hard. I like you have been sent millions of messages through advertisements my whole life about the importance of my happiness right now and my comfort right now. Which taught me not to make a strong sacrifice for myself in the moment, because it is easier to stay the same than to make the hard change.
I have a feeling I may have a few more reasons I won’t fight for myself, but that’s what I have right now. Could you add any to the list? If you have any, please join. Then do something different today. That’s what this blog is about. Doing something different might mean doing something for you. Have some fun and celebrate today doing something different!