Some Thoughts On Being Single

I was talking with a couple of friends I went to college with this past weekend. It was a general catch up on life. Then one of my friends looked at me and she said, “The other day, some of my girl friends and I were having breakfast early at Panera, and we saw these three guys just in deep, intense prayer. And I have to say, there is nothing more…attractive to a woman than that.”


Isn’t it interesting what we really want? I mean after all the stuff people talk about and look for, if we dig a few levels deep, I believe we find commonality. A passion and thirst for the depths of the Creator. To have someone pursue their Creator even more, and in it understand the creation even better. To know Christ, and to ask for His love to cover every inch of our lives.


I used to think being the Spiritual Leader in a relationship meant quoting scripture, or being able to stand up and preach. Now, I am beginning to see that it has to do with how I listen to her, how I serve her, and how I pray for her. While reading the Bible together sounds exciting, i also think it is worthwhile to find God in the sunset, in conversations, in the small things.  Seeing as there isn’t a “her” right now gives me some time to develop myself in preparation.


As I look around today, I see people getting married at an older age than our parents did. I would be considered old in the world of marriage back when my parents were dating. But times have changed. I think people my age are going more slowly. Maybe that’s why I think developing yourself is important. How many of us have spent much of our twenties looking to find the one or thinking we’d found the one, but we didn’t. And we left that experience feeling quite empty. Well, in my experience, empty leads me into one of two places.


1. Cynicism

2. Faith


It seems simplistic to make the options this narrow, but really, when I am empty I am going to be filled. The question is: “What will I be filled by?”


Cynicism will always be easy to access, but I believe it offers little reward in life besides one’s ability to say, “I told you it was going to end up bad.” I guess someone could say that the cynic might end up pleasantly surprised, but my seasons of cynicism haven’t had too much of a pleasant anything.


The other option though is in emptiness, being filled by God. Choosing to step forward as Jesus did by emptying myself, and letting God fill me. I believe more faith, joy, and love are found in the road less travelled.


So tonight, I thought I’d share some thoughts. Yes, single and lonely is hard. I’d take and single and lonely over married and lonely though. Now, is a great time to develop myself. There is no better time than today. And I believe that in time, God will bring me to a wonderful woman. As one of my mentors said to me awhile back,


“Yes, she is out there. Your probably just not ready for her yet.”




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