“Looking at the world through my rearview
Searching for an answer up high
Or is it all wasted time?”
There are questions that race through our minds. They don’t happen all the time, but these questions surface asking about who, how, and why? And usually these questions have everything to do with what happened.
I ran into one of my friends today. When I asked how her summer was going, she said her dad died while she was on vacation. It sounded like things haven’t been good for awhile. She was busy working, and even if she wasn’t, there wasn’t anything to say in that moment. I can say a prayer, listen, or encourage but loss creates a space or void in a person’s life that leaves them with questions of who, how, and why.
“We all yearn for reconciliation, for catharsis.”
There was a girl who got inside my head. She wandered into my heart, and in my mind I always figured it would work out. It wasn’t her blond hair or blue eyes. It was the person I saw in her heart that made me fall for her. When she said, “No”, I left broken. My friend, Bill told me the hard part about rejection is that it asks the question, “Is it something about me?” If you got cut from the basketball team or didn’t make the high school musical, you feel the disappointment of not being talented or skilled enough. If someone says no to you, then you can go away with the feeling that it isn’t about skills or talent. It’s just you. And that’s the part that’s so difficult to live with.
Somewhere inside of us is a feeling that relationships aren’t meant to end. At least not the good ones. And the ones we wish we were good, we long for them to be better. Even if we won’t admit it, I believe deep down we long for those connections to be restored or justified. Otherwise, those broken places become focal points of bitterness for our hearts.
“I’ll be seeing you in all the old familiar places.”
Love must be what we are made for. We are aware when we have love, and we’re aware when it walks out the door. We’re aware when love holds us close, and when we can’t hold love any longer. We hear love in the breaths between, and we know the sting when the breath of love is gone. We see love at the altar, recognize it in the fire, breathe it in the autumn, and feel it in the rain. Love is what we are meant to do. To give. To share. And when love went in one direction, and now it can’t any longer, the heart doesn’t know what to do about it.
“Everything is crumbling around me
Feels like the ending of the times
Or is it all just a sign?”
I believe the story does not have to end in rejection. Love doesn’t have to stop with loss. Brokenness is not the final affect. Death does not get the last word. Love continues beyond the breaths in our lungs, and the beating of our hearts. I believe there can be catharsis to the questions and pain in our hearts.
For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
Paul in Romans 8:20-26
This says that God is doing something. He is going to set things right. Creation itself is groaning along with us. You’re not alone in your pain. Even in the dark shadow of death, a glimmer of light shines through. Liberation, restoration, and redemption are in motion. Ultimate fulfillment is in the future. There will be broken hearts, wounds, questions, and grief. There is also hope. Hope that is not seen. Hope that is not held. Yet, it is hope. And hope leads.